Singles Scene Seattle

Diary of a Dating Diva: IJL Seattle’s Dating Diva Dishes…Does Life Get Better by Chance or Change?

January, 2012

 

Dear Seattle Singles,

First off, I have to admit something; the whole New Year’s “Let’s Start Fresh” hype has actually kind of started to bug me. I mean, how many of us actually make AND keep New Year’s Resolutions?  I don’t mean to sound pessimistic, but are we really more successful with our goals if we make them at the start of the calendar year?  I recently looked back at my Resolutions for the past five years (because, having been a straight-A student of the digital era, I have dutifully typed them up each year), and a bizarre pattern jumped out at me—goals related to my professional development were consistently accomplished, while those dedicated to my personal and relational life reappeared on my list year after year.  Now, for a married, household-breadwinner with three small children, this would make perfect sense.  But for a dedicated friend, perfectionist and hopeless romantic, single gal like me, it seems counterintuitive.  After speaking with dozens of clients and acquaintances this past month, I was surprised at the number of people (both men and women) who have shared similar experiences.  I dedicate the following 2012 Reso-love-lutions to all of you.  If 2012 is to be the apocalypse of anything, let it be the end of making excuses!

 

TWELVE RESO-LOVE-LUTIONS FOR 2012

 1. Lose the negativity.  Remember your basketball coach telling you the key to improving your game is embrace that “10% is skill, 90% is attitude?”  Well, the same applies to the dating game.  We’ve seen it time and time again, and recently with our client Matthew. 

A tall, dark and handsome 38 year-old business executive, Matthew is the kind of guy who has women swooning over him each and every time he enters the room.  He has the looks, the job AND he spends every Saturday volunteering at Children’s Hospital.  So why is he still single?!  Hint:  Matthew never heard back from a woman he met 6 months ago, and has been a pessimistic dater ever since.  Well guess what?  He’s still not getting second dates with women.  Not because they didn’t find him attractive or interesting, but because they felt like his therapist!  So, fellas AND ladies, leave the whining at home (and also limit the “wining” on your date, if necessary!).    

2.  Get specific.  Instead of using criteria like “Must be smart” or “Has good sense of humor,” try phrases such as “Must challenge me to think in new ways” & “Must make me laugh until I cry.”  Pinpointing exactly what it is about the qualities you find most important in a romantic partner will not only help you spot them when you see them, but it will also keep you thinking about things in a fresh perspective.

3.  Broaden your opportunities.  Turn off the latest episode of The Bachelor, get off the couch and get out to meet new people.  Sign up to receive e-mails from one of the countless daily deal sites and sign up for the Zumba offer, a zip line adventure, an art class or a wine tasting course. The deals change every day so there has to be something to peak your interest.  Plus, who doesn’t love a great bargain?!

4.  Date outside your type.  Do you typically go for the sexy, leather-jacket clad “bad boy?”  Or the red-lipstick-wearing Fashionista?  Try combining circles with one of your wholesome, “girl/boy-next-door” friends.  You really never know who you might connect with.  Plus—and I speak from experience—sometimes it’s the all-American “plain Jane” type that ends up pleasantly surprising you.

Jake, one of our former clients and a self-proclaimed “19 year-old stuck inside the body of a 43 year-old,” had a pretty specific “type.”  When it came to dating, he was a bit of an “ageist.”  Jake was firm on wanting to only date women at least 5 years younger than him.  However, when Luann, the gorgeous, sassy 46 year-old brunette came into our office, we just had to call Jake about her.  Kicking and screaming, Jake finally agreed to meet Luann.  Three hours into their date, they were comparing college stories and laughing their faces off.  Three days later, they were singing their faces off at Chateau Ste. Michelle during the Doobie Brothers concert.  And now one year later, they are happily engaged.  So don’t be afraid to color outside the lines a bit – you never know what masterpiece may result!    

5.  Call in reinforcements.  Don’t be afraid (or too proud) to ask for help.  We do it ALL the time in our professional lives, so why are we so hard-headed when it comes to accepting advice in dating?  Call me hard-headed, but don’t try to persuade me with any reasonable answer here. There really isn’t one. :)

6.  Remove all things from your “ex” space.  There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex - a song, a smell, a sound, a place...your tattered Bruce Springsteen t-shirt.  Try walking around each room in your house and removing anything that makes your heart ache or your stomach turn. There are probably things pushing your buttons without your conscious recognition, so be sure to look carefully!

7.  Don’t give up after a first date.  What if someone didn’t give you a second chance after the sideways Seattle rain gave you and your mascara an accidental gothic look for your first date?  If you’re on the fence about seeing someone a second time, go for it!  After all, how much can we really get to know about someone on a first date?  Odds are that you’re probably on the fence for a somewhat trivial reason.  So stop and ask yourself a very important question (perhaps the most important question when it comes to dating) – what do you have to lose! 

8.  Take (educated) risks.  Here’s the scenario:  you’re out with some friends for happy hour at Daniel’s Broiler. Suddenly, an attractive person walks by and catches your eye on their way to the bar. Instead of just looking away and brushing it aside, make a move! Get up, walk over and introduce yourself to them (just make sure to look for the ring first J). You never know where it could lead, so don’t leave yourself wondering.

9.  Slow down.  Dating is supposed to be fun, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself.  Setting a timeline for dating, exclusivity, marriage, etc. (especially before you’ve even met the person!) is just setting yourself up for failure.  I’m not saying don’t have a mental timeline of your ideal scenario, but don’t let it manifest any further than just that.  Take it one day, one date, at a time.

10.  Stop Feeling Guilty About Dating.  You compete with your ex for time with your kids.  Your mother doesn’t always remember each time you visit her in the nursing home.  These are undoubtedly serious issues that many of us have to deal with.  That said, so is finding “the one.”  Make yourself a priority this year; the other people in your life will be better off because of it.

11.  Re-route your routine.  Yes, you may adore the Chicken Chow Mein from China Palace, but if you take the same stroll down the street to pick it up every Friday, how can you expect to change your luck?  A wise fortune cookie once said: Life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.  

12.  Change something…anything!  I’m not talking anything major, but if there’s an edgy new haircut or pair of glasses you’ve been thinking about getting, go for it!  Just one rule:  make sure to pick something uniquely you.   

This past fall, 51 year-old Peter started our Dating Boot Camp and decided he was ready for a new “sexy” look.  Already an athletically-built, well-dressed guy, he didn’t want to do anything too dramatic.  So we started with his hair; he had been dying it a muted brown color for YEARS.  After a little convincing from our expert image consultant, Peter decided to strip his hair back to its natural gray.  What a silver fox he turned into!  Now we enjoy weekly phone calls from him telling us how tired his hand is from signing so many autographs as “George Clooney.”

Whatever 2011 held for you, the past is the past.  And next year will be here before you know it.  So this year, resolve to live in the moment, control the things you can control, celebrate every victory (no matter how small) and learn from every defeat.  It really is as simple as that.  No one’s perfect, and your dates won’t expect you to be.  So have a sense of humor about your imperfections and vow to approach your love life as an adventure.  A good attitude is always attractive and never gets old.      

Until the next time I kiss & tell…

Cheers,

The Seattle Dating Diva 

Marcy Waldman

 You know, the man of my dreams might walk round the corner tomorrow. I'm older and wiser and I think I'd make a great girlfriend. I live in the realm of romantic possibility.
- Stevie Nicks

 

*Names above have been changed to protect client confidentiality.

 

Look for Diary of a Dating Diva the first Friday of each month!

Next Month’s Hot Topic:  Avoiding the February Funk:  Enjoy Valentine’s Day – Single!

 

If you have a hot topic you would like the Seattle Dating Diva to dish on, submit your idea by clicking here.*

 

DIARY OF A DATING DIVA: IJL Seattle's Dating Diva Dishes on...Holi-dating Etiquette

 

December, 2011

Dear Seattle Singles,

 Baby, it’s getting cold (and rainy) outside and with the holidays coming up, there will be mistletoe moments aplenty.  So, do your love life a favor and be prepared!  Whether you’re single and ready to mingle, or already have a honey making your insides jingle, these holi-date etiquette tips are for you. 

 

Holi-Dating Etiquette #1:  The Annual Office Holiday Party

So many questions arise when talking about this topic:  Do I bring a date?  Who should it be?  What will the implications be?  Rather than trying to answer these questions on your own, do a little research first.  Ask a seasoned co-worker what the vibe of the party was the past couple of years.  If it’s more of an “all-business/schmoozing with the higher-ups” kind of party, you might not want to bring a new flame since all your focus will likely be trying to impress your boss, instead of your date.  But then again, if you’re someone who thrives on your unparalleled ability to charm your superiors, it might be the ideal time for you to flaunt your confidence (which is sexy—I can’t say it enough!) to a recent love interest. 

It may sound a bit backwards, but the more casual-feeling party (you know, the one that usually ends in a raucous dance party or Queen karaoke sing-off) can actually be an opportune time to take things to the next level with someone.  It’s a great time to show them how comfortable you are around them, and let loose a bit.  As busy professionals in a 9-5 (or often longer) work world, it’s attractive when you can show someone your less serious side.  Just be sure not to take it too far and attempt a Kevin Bacon on the dance floor or a Whitney Houston on the mic…

 

Holi-Dating Etiquette #2:  Should You Put All Your Egg Nog in One Goblet?

For those of you unattached or just beginning to see someone, a big question no doubt looms for you this month:  do you take your chances on one person and risk having a silent night by the fire, or should you keep your options open and go caroling door-to-door?  I’ll admit, as an IJL First-Date Specialist, this question is somewhat difficult for me to objectively answer; we are all about maximizing the opportunity to find that “right” one.  In other words, unless you have had “the talk” about being exclusive with the guy/gal you’re seeing, I’m an advocate of being open to meeting someone else who may happen to come along.  I mean, December ‘tis the season of giving, so why not give yourself the best chance possible to find someone special by leaving your options open?

Jake, a restaurant owner and friend of mine, regrettably dove head-first into a holiday-time “relationship” without considering the potential consequences.  He had been “hanging out” with his co-worker Mandy for a couple of months, but the two had never discussed the nature of their relationship (or whether it even was one).  Mandy loved Jake’s sense of humor and his confident ability to charm the pants off of (or 25% tips out of) everyone.  Bottom line, she always had a blast when she was with Jake.  But, when he took her to his cousin’s holiday party where everyone knew Mandy’s name, background and plans for New Year’s Eve, she became a little uncomfortable.  Unfortunately for Jake, this incident was the beginning of the end for him & Mandy.  She spent Christmas Eve going out with her girlfriends and Jake spent it shutting down the restaurant and watching Home Alone.  Alone.

Here’s my point—don’t feel the need to rush into things just because the holidays are coming.  Follow your heart, but don’t let all reason melt away just because you may be in a sentimental mood.

 

Holi-Dating Etiquette #3:  Gift Giving Without Giving a Wrong Signal

We’ve all known someone (or are that someone) who’s received a gift from a significant other that has…well, confused us.  Guys, as much as I hate to admit this, more often than not it is women who put more stake into a gift than men do.  Remember that scene in Father of the Bride where Annie, the bride-to-be, gets a delicately-wrapped blender from her fiancée?  Well, whether or not an engagement may be on the line, you certainly don’t want your lady love-interest in hysterics due to your alleged impersonal gift.  But just as your gift can come across as “underdone,” it can most certainly also be seen as overdone.  The dangers in giving too lavish a gift, particularly to someone you haven’t been seeing that long, are numerous and often irreversible.

For example, last December a client of ours (Sherri) was dating another client of ours (Ryan), and after three dates, things were going quite well.  Ryan was planning an upcoming trip to Hawaii and invited Sherri to accompany him.  After a week of tropical breezes, divine restaurants and relaxing nighttime walks on the beach, Sherri returned thinking that Ryan was smitten with her and that he could actually be the one.  Meanwhile Ryan, slightly annoyed with Sherri’s high-maintenance ways during the trip, called us the next day ready for another match. 

How much money should you spend on your honey?  If you’re a play-by-the rules kind of dater, here’s my advice:  determine how much to spend on a gift by how long you’ve been in a relationship/dating someone.  If you’ve only been seeing someone a month or so, set a budget upfront of around $25.00.  If you are someone who isn’t comfortable talking money with a new flame (which has certainly been me), get over it!  IJL Seattle Senior Client Coordinator, Jillian Arbow, and her now-husband played by the gift-giving rules when first dating, and it worked wonderfully for them.  After a year of dating, they both decided on a budget of $100 dollars for holiday (& birthday) gifts.  Once on the road to engagement, all rules were off and they used their discretion when purchasing gifts.  So don’t feel like you need to woo your crush with extravagant gifts in order to progress the relationship.  A simple gesture (I’m a big fan of the good-ol’ personalized mix-CD) goes a long way.

Lesson to be learned here:  don’t let your gifts do the talking for you when it comes to your feelings.  If done correctly, a blender can be a much more meaningful gift than a sun-filled vacation.  Make the gift to your special someone personal.  A good way to do this is to give something that hints at past times together.  For example, if you’ve both talked about your love for scamming recipes off the Food Network, sign the two of you up for a cooking class!  If you spent an evening debating whether the rib eye at El Gaucho or Metropolitan Grill is better, take him/her on a taste test to playfully put the debate to rest.  Who knows, maybe next year you will debate desserts!

 

 Holi-Dating Etiquette #4:  Home For the Holidays

Your current flame:  To bring home to the family, or not to bring home?  That is the question.  Obviously, this is a decision that requires some thought.  Will he/she feel comfortable?  Will your crazy Aunt Lily be there to bring out the embarrassing baby photos?  Will your sweetie be offended if you don’t invite them?  There are many potential things to consider. 

It’s important to remember that every relationship is different; one girl’s year-long relationship can be the equivalent of another girl’s month-long relationship.  Only YOU can be the judge of how far along your relationship is.  If things have progressed to the point where thoughts of the future have begun to enter your head, then by all means, invite them to meet the fam!  The holidays are a time to be with family, so they will appreciate the inclusive gesture.

On the flip side, if you are still in “unknown” territory with your man/woman, you shouldn’t feel pressured to extend an invitation.  If your relationship is still in that beginning “butterfly” stage, don’t fret at all about going your separate ways for the holidays.  After all, it might be fun to have some funny family “war stories” to compare on your next date!

If you are flying solo this holiday, you will have a whole set of obstacles as well. You may be dreading the inevitable questions from your family—“Sandy, are you seeing anyone?  When’s the last time you went out on a date?  Do you think maybe you’re being too picky?  When are you getting married already?  All your friends are married and I can’t wait much longer for a grandchild!”  So how do you deal with all this pressure?  Confront it head-on.  Go into your family gatherings with confidence & don’t let anything (or anyone) bring you down.  If someone asks you why you’re not seeing anyone, smile and say “I just haven’t found anyone strong enough to catch me yet.”  My personal favorite remedy?  A rousing sing-a-long to the Pointer Sisters’ “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” in the car on the way to the relatives.  Honestly, it does wonders.''

 

If you don’t remember anything else I’ve said here, remember this:  it’s all about attitude.  The holidays are a time to be joyful.  So whatever this past year has had in store for your dating life, don’t dwell on it.  Forget those bawl-fests and heart-crushing breakups.  Forget the judgmental looks and gym sessions you missed.  The only pity-party you are going to be throwing this year is one that ends with serendipity!  

Until the next time I kiss & tell…

Cheers,

The Dating Diva 

Marcy Waldman

*Names have been changed to protect client confidentiality.

 

Look for Diary of a Dating Diva the first Friday of each month!

 Next Month’s Hot Topic:

Dating Resolutions for the New Year

 

If you have a hot topic you would like the Dating Diva to dish on, submit your idea by clicking here.*

 

Check Us Out in Styled Seattle's New Magazine!

Congratulations to our resident stylist, Darcy Camden, on her recent launch of Styled Seattle’s new digital magazine! Be sure to look for the It’s Just Lunch Seattle feature on page 22. :-)http://issuu.com/styled_right/docs/styled_right_issue_1

Know Any Exceptional Singles?

We are hosting an exclusive event for our Elite Division on November 30th!

E-mail us at registration@ijleliteseattle.com for more information.

IJL Seattle's Dating Diva Dishes on...From Friend to Flame: Breaking out of the “Friend Zone”

 

November, 2011

Dear Seattle Singles,

Are you the kind of girl who’s always had a ton of boy-friends, but no real boyfriend?  Or are you a guy who finds women constantly thinking of you as their confidante and “buddy,” but nothing more?

If you answered yes to either of these, you are most certainly not alone.  Very often we hear feedback from clients echoing this theme; “We went on a second ‘date,’ but we talked all about past relationships and current celebrity crushes.  It was a lot of fun, but strictly platonic fun.  I might set him up with one of my girlfriends.”  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not belittling a friendship between the sexes in the least—I have more “dude” pals in my address book than I do gal pals.  However, when it becomes a pattern amongst your potential love interests, it could be an issue.  This past month I set out to break down the barrier between “friend” vs. “flame.”  Friends are fantastic, but it’s a flame that will keep you warm this winter!

Understanding why someone wants to only be “friends” with you vs. being “more than” friends is the key to understanding how to avoid the “friend zone.”  Based on years of client feedback and my recent client coaching sessions, it seems as though men/women wind up in the “friend zone” for one of the following reasons:

1.     Being too nice/sweet, accommodating or polite.  Note:  I am NOT saying that chivalry is dead (men)!  However, it is important to differentiate yourself from the crowd/competition.  Showing some sarcasm and gumption is one important way to do this.  This goes for men and women alike—confidence and playfulness is sexy, and is what will make you stand out from the go-with-the-flow, often indifferent-seeming crowd.  Remember, you’re on a date, not a formal interview.  So flirt a little and playfully stick to your guns! 

Jeremy*, a 53 year-old divorced client of ours recently encountered this romance roadblock.  The women he met consistently told us just how great a man he was—sweet, smart, successful & good-looking.  Yet for some reason, Jeremy was not getting any second dates.  After his fifth unreturned phone call, Jeremy enrolled in our Dating Boot Camp Series. The most effective feedback he received was that he was coming across as “too nice.”  By the end of the Boot Camp, not only was Jeremy the king of witty banter and flirtatious (dare we even say “come hither”) glances, but also the king of second (and third) dates!

♥Romance roadblock one: busted! 

2.     Talking about any kind of dating, relationship or matters of love.  This of course includes talking about past flings with your current interest, but also asking questions such as, “What do you look for in a partner,” and “What do you usually enjoy doing on dates?”  It may at first sound counterintuitive that talking about love can actually inhibit it, but it really all boils down to the nature of the conversation.  If it’s a discussion you would have with your girl friends (I’m talking to both men and women here), then it probably isn’t one that is doing you any favors romantically.  Remember:  we are talking about creating chemistry BEFORE you get to the point of romantic exclusivity.  Open communication is certainly crucial once in that relationship, but still do tread lightly when it comes to conversations of this nature with your significant other. 

♥Romance roadblock two: busted! 

3.    Body Language and Physical Interaction.  Here it is, ‘Fellas—while being too aggressive can get you into trouble, so can being too docile.  No, I’m not saying to jump a woman’s bones the first night you meet her, but, effective body language and physical contact are instant ways to show her that you’re interested in her as more than a friend.  She is then much more likely to treat you as such!  Put your hand on her back as you enter a restaurant.  Hold her hand as you cross the street.  And after you get to know her a bit and are comfortable around, kiss her, damn it!!

Ladies, you too can throw in a taunting touch every now and then!  Hook your arm in his as you walk down the street.  Physically acknowledge any compliments he may give you, by smiling back and making eye contact.  And if he asks to walk you to your car, let him!

♥Romance roadblock three:  BUSTED! 

Keep in mind, none of the above is about being manipulative or sleazy.  In order to set yourself up for success, the key is to be genuine and clear with your feelings, but without compromising the playfulness and anticipation of dating.  As with most things in life, dating is all about balance.  So be yourself, without taking yourself too seriously.  You may then soon find that’s just what your love interest will be doing—taking you seriously as a major catch!

Until the next time I kiss & tell…

Cheers,

The Dating Diva 

Marcy Waldman

 

*Names have been change to protect client confidentiality.

Look for Diary of a Dating Diva the first Friday of each month!

Next Month’s Hot Topic:  Holiday Dating Etiquette

If you have a hot topic you would like the Dating Diva to dish on, submit your idea by clicking here.*

Expert Tips from our Matchmakers

Here’s the scenario: you’re getting ready for a date with that certain someone you’ve been eyeing for months now, but still have so many lingering questions! What do I wear? How much info should I share? How much preparation should I do before the date? Our Seattle Matchmakers share their highly-coveted expert date tips.

 

Matchmaker, Sara French's best dating advice is, "“When our Clients are starting the process of dating through IJL I always tell them to think of the experience as an adventure for themselves. There is nothing negative that can happen, because it’s all about creating opportunity with new people. If they meet someone that isn’t their ideal match, it’s all part of the journey that leads to finding ‘the one’, and learning a lot about themselves along the way.”

 

Matchmaker, Molly Kane's best advice is, “My best piece of advice is to be your authentic self—100%. That said, on a first date don't share too much; you want to keep the mystery alive! Focus on the positives and make yourself memorable by sharing your unique experiences. Seems simple enough, right? Dating is a process, but the more fun and unique spin you can put on it, the quicker your results will lead to that long-term relationship.”

 

Exectutive Matchmaker Betty Sinclair's best advice is, “I’m known for not mincing words, so no excuses or self-pity is allowed during the dating process. Too often I see clients bring in their 'checklist' of what they 'must have' in a partner. However, making a connection with someone is more complex than a checklist. Challenge yourself to opening up your perspective and really exploring different opportunities that you may not have considered before.”

 

Dating Coach, Jillian Arbow's best advice is, "My best piece of advice is to be in the present when meeting someone new—don't focus on what didn't work in your last relationship or on your date last week. Have an open mind and throw that long list of must-haves out the window! Instead, focus on learning about the person sitting in front of... you. Also, don't look at your date & ask yourself, 'could he/she be my husband/wife?' The goal of the first date should be that both parties leave wanting to know more!"

IJL! Seattle Rocks it at the Girl Power Hour 4th Anniversary!

The entire IJL! Seattle Team at the VIP Pre-Party

 

Walking the Pink Carpet!

 

Betty and Sara Posing on the Pink Carpet!

 

Sara and Molly Rockin It!

 

Our Fabulous Coordinators! Jillian, Sharon "Presley" and Marcy

 

Molly getting her love reading by Justin our palm reader! The forecast looks good!

Check out Darcy Camden, Founder of Styled Seattle and Resident IJL Stylist in Forbes Magazine!

Congratulations to our resident stylist, Darcy Camden, on being featured in this month’s Forbes Magazine article!  Darcy has been working with IJL Seattle clients for the past year, making sure they are dressing for success on their dates.  Not only has she found them some amazing wardrobe treasures, but has also helped countless men and women find their inner “sexy.”  Great job, Darcy!

Check her out!  http://www.forbes.com/sites/lisaquast/2011/10/03/how-finding-her-passion-led-to-a-career-in-business-chic-for-darcy-camden/

 
 

 

 

Diary of A Dating Diva: IJL Seattle's Dating Diva Dishes On...Image, Effort & the First Impression

 

October, 2011

Dear Seattle Singles,

Sexy siren.  Simple & classic.  Urban socialite.  Free-spirited bohemian.  How do you describe your style and what does it mean for your dating life?  After attending Girl Power Hour’s Bellevue Fashion Week event and being featured on King 5’s New Day Northwest (http://www.itsjustlunchseattleblog.com/2011/09/ijl-seattle-clients-featured-on-new-day-nw.html) this past month, I’ve been thinking a lot of fashion, dating and the art of the first impression.  We all learn at a very early age not to “judge a book by its cover,” but when it comes to meeting our romantic match, do we judge the jacket before examining the content?

As much as you may not want to hear it, often times the answer is “yes.”  From job interviews to “worst-dressed” reviews, one experience is all it can take to make a lasting impression, positive or negative.  A first date is no exception!  We are a society obsessed with image; it is just a fact.  That said, we all tend to make snap judgments, especially when it comes to the appearance of the opposite sex.  So the important question to ask yourself is, “Is my first impression reflecting the image of myself that I want it to be?”

When it comes to dating and first impressions, what you wear undoubtedly makes the biggest statement about who you are, whether you like it or not.  Trust me, as a daughter of two recovering, uniquely-minded hippies myself, there is no one who thinks that this statement sounds sillier than I do.  I mean, if I want to wear my men’s vintage Mariners sweatpants out, who are you to judge me?  I may not be sexy, but gosh darn it, I’m comfy and cozy. 

Well, in our years of taking feedback from clients, date attire is one of the most talked about subjects.  Whether a 3-piece suit or a pair of casual cargo shorts, your outfit will send your date a message about you.   To dig deeper and get to the root of this issue, I spoke with Sharon “Presley” Mulvaney, IJL Seattle’s Image Expert.  Having conducted one-on-one image consultations with over 30% of IJL clients (both men and women) since launching the IJL Dating Boot Camp this past year, no one knows better than she the effect an outfit can have on a first date experience:

First impressions are an essential part of dating. Not only does how you present yourself impact how others view you, it has a huge impact on how you view yourself. When you feel good about how you look on the outside, your self-confidence automatically goes up. Confidence is the most attractive feature any man or woman can possess.

For both men and women alike, making a great first impression really comes down to one thing: effort. Therefore, I tell all my clients how important it is to make a conscious choice to present their best self to their date. Keep in mind; this is not about changing who you are- you should never feel like you are "putting on a show," or being someone you are not.  A date is a "special occasion" so, dress like it. You should feel like you are portraying your best self to the type of dates you want to attract.

For instance, Men:  If you want to meet a woman who is youthful and fit, then make the extra effort to get a new outfit, and hit the gym.

Women:  If you would like to meet a guy who is stylish and hip, put on some heels and update your outfit and hairstyle. Your date will appreciate the extra effort, and the results will speak for themselves.

Ahh, so that’s it.  It’s not just about image and outward appearance, but a level of inner-confidence that shines through when finding that outfit that not only accentuates and flaunts your best physical attributes, but also effectively expresses your unique personality and attitude.  That takes effort, and your date will notice.  It’s funny—maybe I’m just a sports junkie, but I swear—nearly every sports analogy can be applied to the dating “game” as well.  As daunting as dating can be, it really is true that when it comes to being a successful dater, about 10% is skill and 90% is effort and attitude.  If you go into a date feeling confident in yourself and how you look in the outfit you’ve so thoughtfully picked out, it is proven that you will have more success than if you are busy thinking about how you should have shaved that scruff this morning, or taken the time to re-fresh your makeup after work.

Take our client Blake,* for example.  After his IJL image consultation, he was instructed to ditch the old Adidas and faded surfer t-shirt for some crisp, dark-washed jeans and a stylish yet simple button-down.  Almost immediately, Blake noticed women taking him more seriously on his dates.  The women’s smiles and flirty glances had him feeling like a million bucks (ok, or maybe just the $250 he spent on his new sexy outfit).  Blake found himself confidently asking for his dates’ phone numbers at the end of the night, instead of passively giving them his business card, as he had done in the past.  However, the biggest boost in confidence was reflected in his actions after his dates.  Blake had been in the habit of protecting his ego—in other words, he never followed up with the women he was interested in, for fear of rejection!  But now, Blake has called the women he said he would, has had multiple second dates and is feeling better than ever.  This follow-through and new-found confidence has not only helped Blake in his dating life, but it has also carried over to other aspects of his life as well.

Flirting is another area where confidence in your image is a pre-requisite to success.  While there are an abundance of resources out there on how to master the art of flirting, the number one thing that every good flirter needs is self-confidence.  And I don’t just mean pride in your life accomplishments, but in your outward appearance.  For example, if a man tells you “Wow, you look fantastic tonight,” and you respond with “Oh gosh, well this dress doesn’t fit me like it used to,” while looking down at your post-pregnancy thighs, you will undermine his compliment and immediately communicate to him that you are not comfortable in your own skin.  Ladies, if this is you, please change your ways immediately!  Do what you need to do to feel comfortable in your own skin, but in the meantime, fake it ‘til you make it.  Owning the compliment with a simple “thank you” and a flirty smile will not only impact your date’s first impression of you, but will do wonders for your self-confidence. 

None of us are perfect, and your date doesn’t expect you to be.  But work with the unique canvas you have and make the choice to own your imperfections.  Confidence is just plain sexy.  And who doesn’t want their image to read “sexy?”

Until the next time I kiss & tell…

Cheers,

The Dating Diva 

Marcy Waldman

 
*Client names have been changed to protect their confidentiality

 

Look for Diary of a Dating Diva the first Friday of each month!

Next Month’s Hot Topic:

Tune in as the Dating Diva dishes on…How to Break out of the “Friend Zone”

 

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IJL Seattle Clients Featured on New Day NW

 

IJL Seattle Clients Rock! Check us out on New Day NW. Thanks to the clients that posed as models! You look Fab!!!